Slight Case of Insanity

Ever since we were just young pups, women have been told to stick together. Girls v. boys and all that stuff. Support each other against the opposite sex, blah, blah, blah. But how am I supposed to rally with my fellow ladies when there is a large majority of them (oh, and I mean large) who I can’t stand?

I have always gotten along better with males than females. Even in school. I think it comes down to the fact I don’t trust females. I know first hand how two-faced and bitchy women can actually be. How can we be expected to stick together when we are too busy stabbing each other in the back?

Here are a few of the worst offenders when it comes to manipulative, untrustworthy female behaviour, both from my experience and the experiences my close friends have shared with me:

1. The Princess. This is the girl you work with, normally young and naïve, who’s sole goal is to make sure everyone sees her as a flawless, selfless, innocent person, even if the complete opposite is actually true. The Princess will target the older workers and work to get them into a position where they feel the need to ‘mother‘ The Princess. This is normally done by concocting some sort of drama and putting themselves in the position of the innocent victim. Arranging said drama usually entails the defamation of some fellow workers (who actually know The Princess’s true colours) and by spreading suggestions that these people have been ‘bullying’ or ‘ignoring’ The Princess. The Princess knows no other means of self-validation than by playing these childish games in the office to get sympathy and attention, and does not care for any negative effects on fellow workers, as long as she comes out looking innocent and helpless.

2. The Workwench. This is the female who works with your partner who you know deep down cannot be trusted. This may (or may not, but highly doubtful) be as a result of her constantly dancing on and over-stepping the line between professional and unprofessional co-worker behaviour towards your partner. Offending behaviour displayed by The Workwench may include some or all of the following: Unacceptable levels of physical contact towards your partner (either during work hours or at outside of work events), excessive and not-so-subtle flirting, private messaging (non-work related, of course), openly flaunting close ‘friendship’ with your partner in public domains where she knows you will see them, and many other manipulative mind-games. Now, The Workwench may or may not also be in a relationship herself at the time. But, due to her obvious lack of respect for her own relationship, you can assume she will have no respect for your relationship either, and will see no problem behaving how she has been and flaunting it.

3. The Prick-tease. These are unfortunately becoming more prevalent and can mostly be found in the 16-22 yr age group (although some still don‘t grow out of it by 23). We all know one. The Prick-tease is the female who flaunts herself to lead on and entice every male within earshot/eyesight, but YOU all know she doesn’t plan on following through with anything (if The Prick-tease does follow through, she is then categorised as ‘The Slut’ – please see 4.). This can cause tension in your group as your males friends will constantly have their attention on The Prick-tease, ignoring you all together, even though you know their efforts will be fruitless. Silly testosterone! The Prick-tease simply enjoys the promise of a game, without actually having to play. Whilst mostly harmless, just extremely annoying (and undoes about 50 years of work done by feminist’s), if The Prick-tease crosses the line and starts playing up to your partner, she must be slapped out of it.

4. The Slut. Pretty much the same as The Prick-tease but this female actually puts out. Each to their own, guys do it and it’s okay, so why shouldn’t we? Perhaps the question is, “Why should it be okay for even guys to do it? Does sex mean nothing to anyone anymore?” But The Slut is pretty harmless, as long as she keeps her std-covered hands off your man.

5. The Clinger. This is the female who, once you establish some sort of rapport with, instantly believes you are now the very best of friends. You are unable to escape The Clinger; she will be always sneaking up on you and following you, leaving you no time for yourself anymore. Once The Clinger gets her sights on you, she will try to work her way into your group of friends (as she normally has none of her own), and possibly even attach herself to your hip (metaphorically, of course. If she tries this literally, I suggest you seek help immediately). When trying to end a relationship with The Clinger you cannot afford to be subtle. The only way is to be brutal, a nice clean break. She will be upset (tears may be involved). But, for your own sanity (and to reduce the chance of you serving gaol time), you need to escape her clutches before it’s too late.

There are plenty more where all of them came from. But, despite these female-manipulators we encounter who give women a bad name, I do believe there are some genuine, honest girls out there. I mean, we can’t all be bad, right? And I consider my closest circle of girlfriends to be just that; honest, reliable, caring and open (you know who you are, ladies!). I have had friends come and go, but these few individuals have stuck there, and for very good reason. I can trust and depend on them in pretty much any situation. I know they have no ulterior motives or aren’t going to go and spread intimate details to other people, or try to steal my boyfriend.

So I’ve decided to keep my close friends around me as much as possible, and to the ones who fit into the categories listed above, to quote a friend, “it’s game on, mole!”

Tagged as Behaviour, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Manipulation, Mole, Opinion, Prick-tease, Princess, Sexes, Slut, Support, Unprofessional, Untrustworthy, Women, Workwench + Categorized as Random Rants